Sunday, 2 February 2014

Babies at Mass - Volunteers needed

It has come to my attention that in many of our Mass centres, young babies are being brought to Mass. There is of course nothing wrong with being a baby - in fact Our Lord came to earth as a baby. Unfortunately, the behaviour of these babies leaves a lot to be desired - crying, talking, burping etc. Given that the mothers of these young children are clearly incapable of looking after their tots, I would like to appoint a group of volunteers to help restore order. Volunteers must be female, at least 75 years old, but must refrain from actually saying anything to the mothers. Acceptable methods include staring, snarling, hissing and if that doesn't work, snapping fingers and pointing to the exit door. With a 'Mantilla the Hun' in every parish, this infantile anarchy will be a thing of the past!