Thursday, 26 December 2013

Merry Christmas everyone!

Peace and Goodwill to all men who agree with my theological position! May I take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy and holy Christmas. I would also like to remind you that kissing under the mistletoe is strictly forbidden for traditional Catholics.

Sunday, 15 December 2013


There is a lot of confusion about Megaforgery and I feel it is important to set the record straight.

Megaforgery is a small town in Bosnia-Hertford-Governor where it is claimed Our Lady is appearing. To date, there have been over a million claimed sightings, but the number increases steadily on a daily basis. It would be impossible to list the contents of all these messages, but they are on the following lines:

"Be nice and pray and be nice and fast and be nice and let there be peace and be nice. Thank you for listening."

Supporters of these 'apparitions' point to the great fruits of Megaforgery: very devout people praying and fasting and rosaries turning into gold. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Whilst it is true that we should judge something by its fruits, we should consider ALL the fruits.

The problem with the Megaforgery messages is that interspersed with orthodox teachings, there are also heretical teachings. What's more, there has been widespread disobedience to both the Pope and the local bishops and clergy celebrating the sacraments illictly.

We couldn't possibly condone that sort of behaviour at the Society of Such Pious Gents, could we?

The Sado-Vacantists

You may have come across people who call themselves "Sado-Vacantists". Who are these people and what do they believe?

Firstly, they are advocates of very extreme forms of mortification.

Secondly, they believe that the Pope isn't really the Pope. That's right - he may have been elected as Pope, he may dress in white and everyone may call him the Pope. But, they say, he isn't really the Pope. It's not just this Pope, it's the Pope before him, and the Pope before him, and the Pope before him, and the Pope before him and the Pope before him!

In fact, some sado-vacantists say there hasn't been a real Pope since Pope Pius XII died in 1958!
You are probably thinking to yourself: "Doesn't Vatican One solemnly teach that the institution of the papacy will endure until the end of time?". If you are thinking that - you're absolutely right. The sado-vacantists, however, have an answer to this objection. When a Pope dies there is always a gap before the next Pope is elected - usually it is just a month or two but it was once over three years. What we are currently experiencing is just a really really really long gap which so far has lasted 55 years! So far, so good, but how will there ever be a 'true' Pope again? How will we know that he is a 'true' Pope? "Who knows?" they will respond "God works in mysterious ways!"

And people call us a bunch of fruit loops!

A charming skipping rhyme!

I recently visited one of the Society of Such Pious Gents schools and was struck by the simple beauty of some young girls skipping in the school playground. As they were skipping, they were singing the following rhyme:

A Pope he went to Assissi-si
To see what he could see see see
But the only thing that he could see
Was a load of heresy-see-see

Can you think of anything more edifying?

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Trans Alpen Traditionalists

Whilst I was in Scotland, I also visited the small island of Papa Westray in the Shetland Isles where traditional Catholicism is flourishing. The first traditionalist community began when Father Muesli Mary founded a small order known as the Trans Alpen Traditionalists. A few years ago, some of the community entered into communion with the Pope – or as we like to put it – did a deal with modernist Rome. At the same time, they had to change the name of their order to the Roman Cornflakes so there was no confusion with the ‘novus ordo’ Alpenites. Not all of the community were happy with the reconciliation. Father Antonio Mortificatio from Italy and a couple of other priests fled to the neighbouring island of Mama Westray and founded the Traditional Alpen Traditionalists. Fr Mortificatio told me that his position hasn’t changed: “We remain faithful to the unchanging Catholic faith in communion with the successor of Archbishop Le Havre.” A few months later, his two fellow priests the Hungarian Fr Jan Zenest and Irishman Father Ray O’Flight left to found a new community on Grandpapa Westray called the Traditional Alpen traditionalists of the Strict Observance as they felt the 1962 missal was too modern. Fr Ray left shortly afterwards as he convinced himself the Pope wasn’t really the Pope and he started a new community on the island of Grandmama Westray called the Trans traditional Alpenites of the even Stricter Observance. There is also a community of religious sisters whose Mother Superior is Sister Alpena Mary. Because of strict gender segregation rules, these nuns reside on Fair Isle where they spend their time knitting traditional vestments. All in all, a great example of unity in diversity!

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Traditional Catholics in Glasgow - an update

I have just received a phone call from Father Burger King of our Glasgow mass centre.  He tells me that the young men I encountered in Glasgow may not have been traditional Catholics after all.  The way they were denouncing the Pope, they must have been, I insisted, but Father was adamant.

They may not be traditional Catholics today, I told him, but they are certainly on the right path!

Vatican Two - the hidden timebombs

As I was nibbling on today's chocolate from the Advent calendar, I received a letter from a lady asking me to explain the problems of Vatican Two in simple terms.  OK, well here goes!

Vatican Two contains many statements which seem orthodox, but which in fact are unorthodox.  In other words, the orthodox veneer disguises the unorthodox meaning.  I'll give you a few examples:

Vatican Two states that "Christ the Lord founded one church and one church only" - this is code for Christ founded lots of churches.

Vatican Two states that "the Catholic Church is the mystical body of Christ" - this is code for the Catholic Church is not the mystical body of Christ.

Vatican Two's declaration of religious liberty states that it leaves untouched the traditional teaching of the Church - this of course is code meaning that it is changing the traditional teaching of the Church.

Vatican Two condemned false irenicism - this is code meaning they support false irenicism.

But worst of all, Vatican Two uses that most wicked word "subsists" - an evil word which has never ever ever ever been used in the Catholic Church prior to Vatican Two (with the exception of the Penny Catechism, the Baltimore catechism and others).

The word "subsists" means to stop, to cease or to exist in a specified entity or form. Now, Vatican Two said that the Church of Christ subsists in the Catholic Church.  On first appearance, it may appear that Vatican Two teaches that the Church of Christ is identified solely with the Catholic Church , but again it is code for the Catholic Church is a subset (the word sounds similar let's face it) of the Church of Christ.

You may ask how we can be so sure that our interpretation of Vatican Two is the correct one - the answer is simple.  When Rome became neo-modernist and neo Protestant, he sent Archbishop Le Havre to keep the old faith going.  My dear brethren, I am but a humble sinner, but I am also the successor of Archbishop Le Havre, which means my private judgement in the matter is binding on all the faithful - the Pope included.

Traditional Catholics in Glasgow

I recently had the pleasure of visiting the great Scottish city of Glasgow and was overjoyed to discover there were so many traditional Catholics.  They were mostly young men and were very devoted to the cause.  I knew they were traditional Catholics not because they were attending Mass, but because of their public witness.  They were marching through the city with blue shirts with the word "Rangers" written on the front.  To a man, they were all publicly and vocally denouncing the Pope.  My dear brethren, do you have the courage to bear witness to the errors of Rome?  These young men give us all a great example and hope for the future.

Saturday, 7 December 2013

We're attacked from both sides!

I often reflect on the fact that we are attacked from both sides. The modernists attack us because we aren’t in communion with the Pope and the so-called Sado-Vacantists attack us because we name the Pope in the canon of the mass.  I think this proves we must be doing something right!  

Rosary Crusade

I would like to announce a new rosary crusade.  Our aim is to get modernist Rome to come clean and reveal the fourth secret of Fatima.  You may remember that a few years ago, Rome published the third secret of Fatima which frankly, was a bit of a let down.  There is however, a fourth secret and it promises to be an absolute cracker – freemasons, conspiracies - that kind of thing.  Of course, modernist Rome has denied there is a fourth secret, but the denial wasn’t made ‘ex cathedra’ so we are morally obliged not to take any notice.

Mr Neil Bymouth

Please remember in your prayers Mr Neil Bymouth from our Stornoway Mass centre, who is recovering from an operation.  Doctors have had to remove Mr Bymouth’s left foot, which is now in a state of separation from the rest of his body, although thankfully this does not constitute a formal amputation.

Bishop William Richardson

In other news, I am afraid I have had to expel Bishop William Richardson from the Society.  I have been remarkably tolerant of Bishop Richardson over the years.  When he wrote an article entitled ‘mantilly lace and a pretty face’ on the role of women in society, I took no action.  When he reinterpreted the Four Marks of the Church to suit his own ends, I merely raised an eyebrow.  When he questioned the wholesomeness of Julie Andrews, I simply let out a small sigh and raised my other eyebrow.  

But this time, my dear faithful, he has gone too far. He has repeatedly denied the claim of the Society to have over a million supporters worldwide.   Indeed, he has said that the real number is just a fraction of that figure and our numbers simply don’t stack up.  Before anyone is tempted to join Bishop Richardson into his so-called Society of Strictly Pious Observing Gents, I suggest that they do the maths!  We have around 500 priests in Our Society and each of those priests says on average two Masses on a Sunday – that’s 1,000 Masses!  On average, each of our Mass Centres has a congregation of 1,000. As I said, my dear faithful, do the maths – a thousand times a thousand makes a million!

Incidentally, I understand that Bishop Richardson is claiming that his expulsion was ‘unjust and therefore invalid’.  I should make it clear that our statutes are very clear.  By virtue of my office of Superior Major General of the Society, I am the successor of Archbishop Le Havre and as such I have full jurisdictional power in the Society.  Once I pronounce a sentence, it is binding and there is no appeal.

The Society of Such Pious Gents and obedience

When people say our disobedience is disobedient, we say no!  Our disobedience is actually obedience in the form of disobedience thus it does not constitute true disobedience.  It may look like we are disobeying Rome, but we are actually obeying Rome - eternal Rome that is.  That is not to say that we do not recognise the Pope, we recognise him all right, we recognise him as being a modernist, hence we disobey him.  Because modernist Rome is disobedient to eternal Rome, we are disobedient to modernist Rome.  Since two negatives makes a positive, disobedience to disobedience is actually obedience, so by apparently disobeying, we are actually obeying. If on rare occasions we are disobedient to the teachings of eternal Rome, that’s only because modernist Rome is modernist.  If modernist Rome wasn’t modernist, then we would have no need to be disobedient to the teaching of eternal Rome.  Our disobedience to these teachings of eternal Rome therefore serves only one purpose: to show our fidelity to eternal Rome.  

Our position then is very clear!  

Priests in communion with the Pope - our position explained

What of those priests who are in communion with the Pope who celebrate the traditional mass?  Granted, they celebrate the traditional liturgy, but they’re all frightened of the Pope!  They may not personally dress in clown’s costumes during mass, but they are in communion with those that do!  Do you think these priests would be brave enough to declare that the See of Rome is occupied by an antichrist?  Do you think they would have the courage to do something completely against the teaching of the Church in order to preserve Tradition?  Mark my words, dear faithful, some of these priests may mean well, but behind the veneer of tradition, you will find that they are wishy-washy ‘love thy neighbour’ liberals like the rest of them!  

Our opponents are jealous!

So what’s really behind the attacks on our Society?  Jealousy, that’s what!  Our priests celebrate the Mass of all time – precisely the same 1962 liturgy that was used at the Last Supper!  The doctrine they preach is none other than the perennial teaching of the church (except in cases of necessity).  Contrast that with your typical ‘novus ordo’ priest who celebrates Mass smoking cannabis, dressed as a clown, with liturgical belly dancing during the offertory and who replaces the gospel with the writings of Hans Kung!  Yet Rome says nothing about these priests who are fully in full communion with the Pope and condemns us as schismatics!

The "S Word"

Like immature schoolboys, Our opponents never tire of using the ‘s word’ in relation to the Society.  Just because the SSPG refuses to submit to the authority of the Pope and refuses communion with those subject to his authority, our opponents think that makes us schismatic! It was Pope John Paul who started it and just like sheep, these silly schoolboys copy him!  Well I have news for those ‘schoolboys’ who think it is clever to use the ‘s word’.  Rome has changed its mind!  Rome has admitted it was wrong!  Cardinal Castrol-Oil has solemnly declared, ex cathedra, in a magazine interview, that the Society is not formally schismatic, it’s just in a ‘state of separation’.  

The "State of Necessity" explained

As I sit in my study in the Bishop’s palace, here in the Diocese of Nowhere, I love to gaze out of the window at the clear blue sky, the snow topped mountains and the eagles swooping majestically above.  The Alpine air is crisp and barely a sound can be heard apart from a young girl yodelling in the distance.  All seems to be calm, but there is storm brewing.  You may have read a scurrilous article attacking the Society of Such Pious Gents and its venerable founder Archbishop Le Havre.  This article implies that because the stance of Our Society contradicts certain pre Vatican II teachings, we are really no different from the very liberals and modernists that we oppose.  This is utter nonsense!  When the liberals and modernists dissent from the teaching of the church, they do so because they are liberals and modernists!  When the Society dissent from certain teachings of the church (which is only done after much prayer and soul searching) it is done because there is a crisis in the church – it is done through necessity.  If someone in good conscience dissents from the teaching of the church as a reaction to a crisis, this is what theologians call “a state of necessity”. 

The authors of these vicious attacks on the Society point out that Pope Pius XII taught that it was absolutely forbidden to consecrate a bishop in defiance of the express will of the Pope.  They say that Pius XII described such illicit consecrations as ‘criminal and sacrilegious’.  How can it possibly be a ‘necessity’ to do something which a pre Vatican Pope taught was absolutely forbidden under any circumstances?  I think most of you will agree that it is extremely disrespectful to question the wisdom of our venerable founder Archbishop Le Havre, but allow me to address this point.  Pope Pius XII was referring to the consecration of Chinese bishops.  As you will be aware, none of the bishops that Archbishop Le Havre illicitly consecrated were Chinese – they weren’t even vaguely Oriental - so that argument fails!